Some of my favourite openings to Colin Firth’s acceptance speeches:

BAFTA Win for Lead Actor 2010 (A Single Man): [looking down at award’s face] Hello

BAFTA Win for Lead Actor 2011 (The King’s Speech): [grinning smugly] I like coming here.

OSCAR Win for Best Actor 2011 (The King’s Speech): I have a feeling my career has just peaked. My deepest thanks to the Academy. I’m afraid I have to warn you that I’m experiencing stirrings. Somewhere in the upper abdominals which are threatening to form themselves into dance moves. Joyous as they may be for me, it would be extremely problematic if they make it to my legs before I get off stage.

Golden Globe Win for Best Actor 2011 (The King’s Speech): Getting through the mid-stage of your life with your dignity and your judgement intact can be somewhat precarious and uh, sometimes all you need is a little bit of gentle reassurance to keep you on track but… I don’t know if this qualifies as gentle reassurance but right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson

SAG Win for Best Actor 2011 (The King’s Speech): I used to flash it [SAG card] around hoping it would get me female attention and- uh- entry into nightclubs and top level government departments and it… it didn’t… but now I’ve got this [turning award around] so I’d like to thank, uh, looking at who’s here… I’d like to thank security for letting me into the building.